LFNS: Rolling on the River

7:50pm, Friday 11th October 2013

Starting at: Wellington Arch
Half time at: Battersea
Length: 10.7 miles.
Lead marshal: Van
Asbox Transmitter: Pending
Skate status: Rained Off

From: LFNS Tours Inc (lfns@lfns.co.uk)
Subject: article: LFNS River Route
Date: October 10, 2013 3:30:58 PM PDT
To: skater@london.com
Return-Path: <admin@lfns.co.uk>
Envelope-To: lfns@lfns.co.uk
Delivery-Date: Thurs, 10 Oct 2013 15:31:01 -0700


You will receive something special within 48 Hours of reading this message, PROVIDED that you follow the directions exactly. This message has travelled electronically around the world over 3 million times! Paine N. Suffrin read this letter but failed to follow directions. Soon his car was repossessed! Joy Isme put a copy on her home page; within a fortnight, a long forgotten ticket won her $15,000,000 in the Xanadu Lottery!

After reading this message, Proceed to Wellington Arch at 8pm on Friday and bring your skates. See the MAP BELOW if you are unfamiliar with this location. If you do not have skates, contact your local skate distributor IMMEDIATELY and DEMAND that they provide you with some skates. Make sure that fit and are road-worthy. Phouli Harddy brought skates but they were the wrong size. Soon the stocks held by her retirement account collapsed!

This is NOT a cheap attempt to recruit more skaters! The message is REAL! You must follow the directions to the letter to avoid mihsap and poor spelling. Ghpnmllqrstx P. Q. Zzzznfrgrgrg ignored the letter. Within one month, it received notice of an unrequested name change! To make matters worse, the phone company soon listed it near the end of the book!

After you have arrived at Wellington Arch, proceed to WEAR YOUR SKATES! This part is important. We are going skating, and you will need to be prepared. In addition we recommend kneepads, elbow pads, and helmets!! Mucho Dinero FORGOT his pads and helmet. The next day he received a free trip to A&E for an avoidable case of roadrashitis!

You will have great prosperity as long as you DO AS THE MARSHALS say! This must not be questioned, whether it is Keep Left, close the gap, or buy them a pint at the pub. If you fail to obey these directions, you will suffer a great loss!

Be very CAREFUL when doing this! Ichbin Layzee failed to keep left as the Marshals had asked. Within HOURS, his reputation had vanished! Luckee Starz took great care to skate considerately. Within two WEEKS, a truck delivered new furniture to her new home!

Have you done everything already? DO NOT print this message. Printing drivel is a DEATH SENTENCE for a tree! Follow the Instructions FOR CLAIMING YOUR LFNS PRIZE NOW!!

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